


i should climb off my rugged cross (and lie with you)

by Starful_nights



Series: clockwork heart [1]
Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Post-SING (Music Video), Suicidal Thoughts, more referenced than implied, poisons straight up not having a good time rn :), some stuff abt feeling obligated to be a hero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starful_nights/pseuds/Starful_nights
Summary: what does it mean to be a hero?
Series: clockwork heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124015
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	i should climb off my rugged cross (and lie with you)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a song! i forgot which. it was in a night vale weather. it was nice.

What does it mean to be a hero? Do all the fights and life-risking even mean anything in the long run? Firefights, car chases, knowing your way around a raygun better than around emotions other than anger and pain and the fire always burning in your gut--what's it all worth? The desert night is quiet around Poison and the only sound is the muffled music and Killjoys from the nightclub a mile or so back, celebrating the fact that they stayed alive through another Exterminator attack. They realised long ago that being scared isn't worth it and that they should just celebrate and honour the dusted this way. Poison wonders if it helps, at all, because it never helped them. The temporary forgetting just brought it all back the next day along with the dull headache from Witch knows what. Maybe it was from the overextension of their abilities, or just plain old exhaustion. The most likely answer was the various pills and other Better Living drugs they took over the course of the night, trying to dull the sharpness of the pain right where their heart should be, but they tried to forget that. It didn't matter in the long run anyway, because they have to endure all it takes to be a good leader for these people they are barely older than at best. Sure, they were raised out here, but that just meant they had more time to get organs replaced.

Their first one was their heart when they weren't anything more than a child, in the same explosion that got their second mother and the only Droid who ever seemed to care. They lit a Crow fire at her burial, several days after the incident, after they were up and running again with a heart that still ached with grief even though it wasn't real. It took them years and several more deaths to find the perfect mix of pills to dull the sharp pains and bring only the dull headache. Where were they? It was hard to concentrate. Oh, yes, the burial. They lit a Crow fire and buried her with the plastic bones of her ancestors, even though they were a Falcon at heart; they _had_ to be, because a quiet hunter wouldn't be much of a leader, would they? The Crow way of fire was a lot harder and strange and they remember the way it heated up the two metal fingers on their right hand and almost burnt even more of the flesh off. So their heart wasn't the first?

Anyway, that doesn't matter in the now and the here, sitting in the Am all alone because of a dumb metal plate in place of their tongue that stopped the blast by some miracle, and clutching a water bottle for comfort and wishing that Ghoul was here with xyr crooked grin or Jet hugging them or Kobra just existing, doing anything but no, they are _dead_ and they didn't even get a proper burial, residing in Better Living body bags forever or Witch forbid under Draculoid masks that function well without souls in the body, so maybe they work on the dead too? They're dizzy and their thoughts barely work and it's probably dehydration, but they can't bring themself to open the bottle and drink, to drive away back to where Girlie was sleeping, because they _have_ to go back, because they're a motherfucking _Fabulous Killjoy_ and they have to lead the others if it kills them. And yet here they sit, wishing they were anywhere but here, being anyone but them, cursing their tongue that didn't even taste half the time and was the only thing standing between them and their family. At least they planned for death and left their masks at home, and their souls resided with the Witch like they should. The little comforts in life. Did they always have such a bitter laugh?

Poison stares at the stars, and the stars stare back. After what seems like hours they go back to the celebrations, because what the hell. It's not like the clockwork pain will go away and the people need a leader, don't they?

**Author's Note:**

> pois has a lot more nonhuman parts than mentioned! their left leg from the knee down, five fingers altogether plus a few toes, part of their chin, their heart, their tongue, and more than a few nerves, mostly in their face. they control them with magic bc i do what i want.


End file.
